What a week…..The holidays were there. I was on a pink cloud when we discovered the pregnancy. During the holidays, we did not tell anyone. It was just our little big secret. I also want to wait untill the first prental screening. I am so tired and moody. My husband has the nestling urge, and I have the mood swings. Thankfully it is christmas vacation, so the kids don’t need to go to school and my husband has two weeks off. It is really two weeks off for me too. Waking up late, taking it easy the whole day, having dinner at family. This season of “going inside yourself” and family time, is just perfect in this first trimester of the pregnancy. The warmth of the family and not having the neccesity to cook. You could not notice the pregnancy. My body was not showing psychically changes, although I had skin irritation and some acne on the face. The rose oil and neem soap helped a lot, an Ayurvedic remedy.

Week 8, in this week I realized that I had to check my health insurance for pregnancy, birth and maternity care. It’s the first pressure I felt and I just did not wanted to get involved of all the formal paperwork. I did, because it is necessary. After the health insurance, I thought about the mid wife. I really want a holistic midwife. But their is not any in the neighbourhood. A midwife should be within several kilometers from my house. In the last month I would be visiting the midwife 1 and 2 times a week. There is no holistic midwife here in the neighbourhood, so I choose one which felt good. I made an appointment with them for over 2 weeks. In the email they mentioned to make an appointment for the first prenantal screening. That was the next thing. I made an appointment for the prenantal screening and put it in our agendas. With this, my to-do list for so far, was done. And then suddenly came…….the cloud of fear. What if we dont see a beating heart? What if the implantation did not went ok? Fear fear fear. My personal solution on fear is meditation. I went to my meditation room, put some mantras on and just sat. Within some moments the cloud of fear disappeared. I thank the fear for the message. I got a cold sore that afternoon and I realized that I needed to take even better care of myself. My resistance was not optimal, my Pitta was high. After a while my mind was calm again and I appreciated the blessing of the pregnancy. I know fear will come and go as be a part of this journey, but I know that Love and Trust is greater 🙂